Staying at home

It's been less than a week since I was temporarily laid off from my job. I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't know when I'll be back at work. At the moment, it feels like an extra long weekend.

I haven't gone past the driveway of my house since last Friday and that was just to go to the shop for essentials. I bought enough to last 2/3 weeks. No hoarding, only got what we need. 

Beth hasn't gone past the driveway in almost a week. She has been off school 3 weeks on Thursday and has only been with her dad and me. We can't compromise the extended family by asking them to mind her. Home-schooling has been a challenge. She is currently whinging about a headache here beside me while she should be doing her maths. We have a schedule, but it doesn't always go to plan. Admittedly, I have always wanted to home-school, but being thrown into it like this has left me at a loss. It should be:

9-10am Maths

10-11am Exercise (PE with Joe Wicks or Wii Fit)

Break-time

11.15-12.15pm Irish

Lunch

1-2pm English

2-4pm Creative time (different activities everyday)

That was the plan...

I'm trying to grapple with the fact that I am unemployed and not allowed to leave the house for the foreseeable and worried about my health. I am asthmatic, so naturally terrified of getting the virus. I'm worried about if I get really sick and need to go to hospital what will happen to Beth?

For the moment, I'm trying not to think about the 'what if's'. I have power-hosed the driveway, spent hours cleaning up the garden after a winter of neglect, started learning the piano, crocheting a large blanket, so much cleaning and laundry and baking and, of course, home-schooling. Distractions only last so long though.

I hope anyone reading this is staying safe at home or, if you have to work, THANK YOU!

That awkward time between Christmas and New Years

Do you find yourself at a loss during this weird time between Christmas and New Years? I find that I have too much time on my hands. I eat constantly. The house is covered in goodies and I have no will power whatsoever. Although, I have one more day of this and it's done. Come January 1st I shall be going dry and vegan for the month.

Dry January is a big thing now. I suppose people want to detox after the excesses of Christmas. I know I need to. I had way too much wine over the whole month! I have had a dry January for the last 3/4 years and enjoyed it. I usually only drink on Friday nights so it's not too hard to knock that on the head. Previously, I've had company on the dry journey, but not this year. I'll have to occupy my time creatively on Fridays.

Vegan January (or Veganuary) is a new enough concept for me. Until a few years ago I would have scoffed at the idea of giving up meat. I loved nothing more than steak or bacon. Now however, I don't eat beef, pork or poultry. I might have fish once or twice a year, but it doesn't have the same joy it once did. I was vegan for the month last January and it was HARD, but I enjoyed the challenge. Didn't lose a pound in weight (that was disappointing), but I felt good. More energy. Of course, I was taking supplements just in case.

So that is one plan for the New Year - a boring sensible one 😏

I have a few goals for 2020 (not resolutions):

Read more books (as always)

Write (ditto)

Relax

Travel

Save money

Let go of people who make me unhappy (any tips?)

Do you have goals (whoever is reading this, who are you?)? What are you willing to do in 2020 to achieve your dreams?

Dreams don't mean anything, do they?

I woke up this morning from a very weird dream. It was one of those lucid dreams where I was aware of what was going on, but didn't realise I was dreaming.

First of all, I was in the middle of a scavenger hunt with my ex. We were a team and actually won the hunt. One of the prizes was to meet the YouTuber Dan TDM (I only know who he is from Beth). There was a party for all the entrants to the competition and I ended up sitting beside Dan as he got closer and closer to me and eventually tried to kiss me! I pulled back for two reasons. One was that I know Dan is married in real life and the other is that I didn't want to hurt my ex's feelings by kissing someone in front of him. Then I woke up.

Not really sure why my mind came up with the blue haired YouTuber. Beth sometimes watches his videos at the weekends, but I never do. I'm not sure he has much significance in the dream anyway. I used to love trying to decipher my dreams. I don't bother now though. I might be scared by what I find 😛

Is this the longest week ever? I am really looking forward to having a break from work, relaxing with Beth and catching up with friends.

Charity at Christmas

The weather here is awful. Wet, windy, dark. I kind of like it though. I love the long dark nights of winter. I actually like leaving the house in the dark mornings and getting home while it's pitch black. It's a great excuse to cuddle up on the couch with Beth and watch movies with the Christmas tree lights twinkling. Tonight was The Grinch (although I still prefer the one with Jim Carrey)

I love Christmas. I know it's not great for everyone. I thought this year was going to be a bit crap. It was just going to be myself and Beth for the day, but we got invited to Christmas dinner by one of my friends. She has three kids so Beth will be well entertained while I sit back with a glass of wine and good company.

The lead up to Christmas is always the best. The atmosphere, the lights, the cheesy music. People are more generous in December, more willing to reach into their pockets for charity. At work we are all wearing Christmas jumpers and donating to Crumlin Children's Hospital tomorrow. In years gone by, we did 'casual December' at work and put a euro into a pot every work day we wore casual clothes. The last day before the Christmas break it was gathered up and given to the Dundalk Simon Community.

Beth had a great idea to use our advent calendar as a way to save up for charity. We have twenty five little white and red buckets that hang on a string at the back door at Christmas. Everyday we are putting a euro in and giving to charity at the end. We will also be giving some Smyth's vouchers to one of the homeless charities here in Dundalk. Over ten thousand people are homeless in Ireland now. That includes children. It could happen to any one of us. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Beth and I may not have a lot, but we have more than most. Count your blessing this Christmas and help out others (if you can).

Is it me or is my tree lopsided? 

To sleep, perchance to dream

I haven't been sleeping well for about a week. I get to sleep OK, then I wake up at 3/4am and can't get back to sleep until it's nearly time to get up for the day. Friday night was the worst. I lay in bed unable to relax. My heart was going crazy and thoughts swirled round my mind. I guess I was a little anxious about the kids Christmas party at work yesterday. I'm still quite new there and a lot of them are 'old timers' in the place. The company has been going since the 1980's and I'm there since February...

Anyway, I knew my little lady was going to find it difficult. She's not a fan of crowds or loud music and there's was lots of both. We spent most of the time up in the sales office, her sitting at my desk, taking sneaky trips downstairs to fill up on sweets. When she was suitably sugared up, we went back downstairs and I managed to talk her into going into Santa. She also got to pet the magician's rabbit (have no idea what happened in the show) and got two balloon animals. Result!

After the party we took a trip into to town to Roe River Books for her to pick which books she wanted for Christmas. It's one of our traditions. Santa brings the presents and I bring new pajamas and books. She chose three Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. She read a few from the school library, but they didn't have the whole collection. I actually wasn't aware how many there were. I also got her the next Harry Potter book. I read them to her because I wanted to read them too. We're almost at the end of Goblet of Fire. I had planned to get myself a book too, but I couldn't find anything I really wanted and Margaret Atwood's new book is still in hard back. I'm not a fan of hard back books, too clunky to read.

Last night we stuffed our faces with sweets and crisps gleaned from the party and watched Ralph Breaks the Internet. I dozed off on the couch during The Lego Movie and we eventually went to bed about 11.30pm (always late bedtime on Saturday, although it's not worth it with the grumpy head in the morning). 

I was up this morning at 8am doing laundry. Had to wake the little woman at 9 as we were catching a train to Belfast for the day with my mum. A bit of shopping and mulled wine later and we were home for more laundry, dinner, bath and bed. 

And there it was, my weekend. Blink and you've missed it. I miss the blissful days were I would drop her to school, go for a coffee and decide what to write. Those days are long gone. I needed money. I couldn't be a starving artist with a kid. So I work 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. I pay the bills. I go on holidays. I save as much as I can so that someday I'll have a place to call my own... but, I so desperately want to be a writer. I need to push myself harder. No more excuses. I can sleep when I'm dead.

Very complimentary graffiti in Clarke Train Station toilets

When you don't know what to do

Yes, I know I said I was moving to another place to write my blog, but I wanted to come back to something familiar. I had such big dreams for the new site and my new venture, but, as usual, it fizzled out. I lose interest in things quickly, probably the reason why I've never really excelled in anything. I wanted to. I had so many interests, HAVE so many interests. If only I could become an expert in one and make millions. Well, maybe not millions, just enough to be comfortable.

I am on my own again with Beth. After four years in a relationship, it's over and I am alone (well, not completely alone!). It's strange, like fitting into an old familiar glove. I get up, I rush around the house, get Beth to school and me to work. I come home, eat, do the usual mum stuff. Go to bed, wake up and do it all again. Nothing feels too different. Then Friday night comes and I'm standing in Tesco with my chest getting tight and tears threaten to fall. It's hard to breathe. I grab a bottle of wine, frozen pizza and go home. 

Don't get me wrong though. I'm not lonely or regretting the situation, but it's hard to push away the feeling that this is like everything else. This is another thing I didn't complete. There were plans to buy a house, maybe even extend the family. Now, it's back to two with no hope of owning a house or having another baby.

So, when you don't know what to do... when I don't know what to do... I write. I put personal feelings in a public forum. I make up stories about imaginary people, trying facial expression before putting them into words on a page (seriously, if anyone watched me while I'm writing I'd probably be hauled away to the funny farm). 

Here I am, a single mum again. Less than two years to 40 (oh God). 'Slightly' overweight. Underpaid (although not overworked, thankfully). Still wishing my dream of being a writer would magically happen. STILL not finished my third book (will it ever be done?). Drinking too much (sure it's almost Christmas). Mum to a ten year old beautiful ball of sass with a heart of gold. 

What will happen next? The possibilities are not endless, but they are plentiful.

Beth and me at our town square

Starting Again

I know it's been a while, but for anyone still following this page I'd like to re-direct you to my new website - www.thevegetarianmammy.com

I'll be updating the new page rather than using this blog so I hope you'll join me there!

At work, the diet is king

I work in a large open plan office. It can be difficult at times and if you have ever worked in an office you will know why, I am not going to spell it out here.

One good thing about working in a large office is that there is always someone with a new fad diet to try and company along the arduous journey to thin.

A few months ago, at the start of the year, a few of them got into this skinny tea/coffee phase. I think it was basically a laxative. It worked for some, but not all. One girl looked brilliant after doing it a few weeks, but I think she might have been starving herself too. Problem for me was that it was too expensive. I could not reconcile the cost when I could just eat less and get the same result. So that was a miss.

I thought about going back to weight watchers. It worked for me before and I always said I need someone to be on my case once a week if I am not losing. However, that’s another cost and I am doing my best to be good with my spending.

I have gotten into a smoothie buzz lately. The other half adds protein powder, but it does not agree with me, at all! So my general smoothie is:

Lots of spinach

Water

Banana

Chia seeds

Coconut oil

I have been taking this for breakfast most mornings for about three months now. I have gotten used to the taste, the majority of the time I do not grimace. I think I eat healthier now than I ever did in the past. I need to! I turned 35 this year. I have to look after this old body ;-)

So, the newest diet in the old workplace is the ‘no sugar’ diet. Like literally no sugar. Not even the naturally occurring sugar in fruit. It did interest me. I wanted something to spur me on and be really difficult for a while. One of the ladies at work does it for twelve days at a time.  Yesterday I was bemoaning how my coffee would taste if I did it. I usually take three teaspoons of sugar in my very strong coffee every morning. She told me it would not be too bad. I did not believe her. It wasn’t though. I tried a light coffee this morning without my sugar and it was grand, drinkable. However, I still had a banana in my breakfast smoothie and one before I started writing… so bold! We will see how long I last (not long, I suspect!).

Any takers on this crazy diet? No? Just me? OK then!

Here we go with the NaNo again!

Agh, so it really has been forever since I updated this blog!! I’m going to blame the full time job for everything… Of course, I could have stayed up late after Beth had gone to bed and wrote. I could have used the time when she was at her Dad’s better. I could have (should have?) done so much more, but I became lazy. Well, that and I met someone.

Yes, after many years of non-starter relationships and exhausting online dating, I finally met someone. I was beginning to think I would never find anyone I could put up with on a daily basis (or someone who would put up with me!) or someone I could relax and have fun with. I wasn’t too bothered. I was happy enough on my own with Beth as my shadow and constant companion. However, it wasn’t to be.

We met at my new job last July, but didn’t start dating until October of last year. It’s been a full year and he hasn’t run for the hills screaming, so that’s a plus.

Down side to new relationships is the weight gain! Too many nights having a few drinks, a cozy takeaway, a shared jumbo pack of Dorito’s, it all adds up and it leads me back to where I was six years ago with my weight. Time to swat away the oreos and jellies and get back to healthy living. I have two stone to lose. It’s a long journey ahead, for sure.

The reason I’m back, by the way, is that I have decided to jump head first into NaNoWriMo again. I didn’t even attempt it last year, I was involved in another SONG show. With that, the full time job, being a full time single mammy and a new relationship, I didn’t feel like I needed any extra pressure. However, this year, I am determined to use my time in the evenings for good, not evil (sitting on my butt in front of the telly until I go to bed). So I’m sitting at my kitchen table and hoping after writing this a new story will burst forth. Even if it doesn’t though, I will still have made a start and that’s good enough for the first day.

And just to remind people, no, I’m not writing about you! My stories are purely fictitious.

Ireland's Referendum

This Friday, May 22nd, those of age in Ireland will get to vote in a very important referendum, marriage equality. This will be the thirty-forth amendment to the constitution to mandate the provision of same sex marriage. You can read more about it here.

Since the announcement, I have been very adamant on how I am voting. When the No posters started going up around Dublin and then around my own town, I was disgusted. You see, the No campaign's argument, mainly, is that this proposed change will somehow be detrimental to children and the 'family unit'. They believe a child needs a mother and father to be happy. In posters, they have the tag line of "She needs her mother for life, not just for 9 months." So really, what they are saying is that a child won't be happy without a mother. In my opinion, this is horsesh*t.

I believe a good parent is a good parent regardless of sex. What a child needs is love and support. Just because I'm a woman does not mean I am more equipped to give this love and support than a male counterpart. Our hearts, male or female, are the same. As a woman, I do not have super powers that allow me to be a perfect parent to Beth. I make mistakes, her dad makes mistakes, our parents made mistakes with us. There is no manual for anyone and for me to stand up and say I know more about raising children than any same sex couple would be unbelievably arrogant and downright stupid. Parenting is a minefield, no one gets it completely right. We keep our kids happy and healthy as best we can, regardless of our sex.

In saying all that, I do believe there has to be balance in a child's life. Many of the No side might see that as being a male/female balance. The male/discipline and female/love. But, I see it more of a ying/yang balance. Being a single mother, I do have to be both sides of the coin. If I can do this (well, I attempt to), it can be said the same for same sex couples. Balance is needed, it's something I have to work hard at, something I fail at often, but if I can do it, see Beth needs that, then it stands to reason any same sex couple can do that too. I personally know same sex couples that would probably do a better job than me!

Another point, same sex couples can already be parents. This referendum would just be allowing them the same rights as a heterosexual married couple, therefore allowing them to be recognised and protected as a family unit. 

As it stands in Ireland, we have civil partnerships. The No side believe same sex couples should be happy with this. In my view, we are all the same and therefore should have the same rights. Why should gay members of our society be treated as second class citizens? 

On Friday, after I finish work, I will collect Beth and take her with me to the polling booth. I always take her with me when I am voting as I want her to see how important it is to make her voice heard, especially as a woman. I want her to see me voting yes, I want her to know we are all human and we deserve the same rights regardless of sexual orientation. If she came to me in ten years to say she was gay, how could I look her in the eye if I hadn't voted yes? How would I tell her I didn't stand up for her rights to be seen as equal to her heterosexual peers? 

This is going to be a very close vote. Probably as close as the Divorce Referendum of 1995. The No campaign then had the same argument about the 'family unit'. I was too young to vote, but remember the tag line of the No campaign "Hello divorce, goodbye Daddy." Ridiculous. But, it almost didn't pass. This is why it is so important for everyone to get out and vote!

Make your voice heard! Vote Yes on Friday!

Finally, Devil in the Clouds is live!

It's done, it's finally done! Devil in the Clouds is available on Amazon. It was an exciting weekend to get this up and running. It is off to a good start too! So, go join the queue for a great summer read.

Speaking of summer, temperatures are heating up here on the east coast of Ireland. Just in time too, as Vantastival is in less than two weeks. You can read about our experiences of last year here. Can't wait to shake out the tent and don the flowers in the hair. I'll be sure to write all about it here. I plan to see more music this year. Last year, Beth got her way more times than was necessary. I have her warned that she'll be going to more bands. I have a provisional list of who I want to see. They are:

Friday

Corner Boy

Elephant

Evil Presidentes

Saturday

The Flaws

Fierce Mild

Words That Burn

Sunday

Delorentos

Black Svan

Wood Burning Savages

Obviously, I want to see a lot more, but, with Beth, I have to divide my time between what's fun for her and what suits me. Vantastival is so handy as we live very close by. Only ten or fifteen minutes drive. So, we will camp out Friday and Saturday night. Then, I'll drop Beth with my Mum for a sleepover on the Sunday and come back out to Delorentos. Everybody is happy! Can't wait!

Big Changes

What a couple of months! Well, first off, I didn't exactly make it through the full month of February Facebook Free. I have very little will power. I'm still surprised I managed to quit cigarettes three years ago. I made it till about the last week and then cracked! Very bold!

Sweeney Todd was absolutely amazing! I was so busy with it. My official title was Props Manager. It was manic and a huge learning experience. I made over thirty salt dough pies for Mrs Lovett's pie shop and Beth helped me paint them. In all, there must have been around two hundred props! To be in charge of it all was a lot of fun and stress!!

Official Poster

Final Scene (Photo: Andrew Browne)

Unfortunately, the stress took it's toll and I ended up in A&E with bad abdominal pain a week after the show. They weren't sure what it was (suspected appendicitis or burst cysts) and sent me home with antibiotics. I wasn't able to each much. Ten days later I ended up in A&E for a second time. They finally diagnosed me. Basically, the stress had caused my stomach and intestines to stop working properly. The pain I had been experiencing was caused by spasms in the intestines. It'll take a while to get back to normal, doctor said four or five months, but at least its nothing serious. I'm still getting the odd pain when I eat too much, but nothing as bad as it was. As a result, I've lot over a stone in weight since the beginning of February. I'm not losing now and still well within a healthy weight range. My clothes are all fitting better ;-)

The big news is that I got a job! Two actually! On the 28th February, I started work in a pub that does food. So I'm a waitress/bartender again. It has been over ten years since I worked in the industry, but it all came back to me very quickly. I love going to work and the money isn't bad either. It has taken a lot of stress out of my life by just having a little bit extra money. I only work one or two days a week at the moment, at the weekends, but it suits the other job perfectly. 

The other job is completely different. I work as a Welfare Rights Clerk in the Dundalk Resource centre. We give advice on welfare and taxation. The people I work with make it an easy place to arrive to every weekday morning. I feel like the dullest person in the office with all these eccentric and bubbly individuals! It is part-time and I'm able to collect Beth from school everyday. Best of both worlds.

I was also involved in another play last week. Backstage as usual. It was A Life by Hugh Leonard. The Dolmen Theatre Group put it on with a great cast. They are the group I started with, this time last year, with Lend Me A Tenor. It was a great week and well received.

However, that will be my last play for a while. With the two jobs, I need to rely on family for babysitting. Asking my Mum and everyone to take on babysitting when I'm helping out at the plays as well is just too much. So, I'm taking a break for the rest of the year until the next S.O.N.G. production. Already looking forward to it!

Here are some Sweeney Todd photos:

Scenemaker building the set

The ceiling at An Tain Theatre

Under construction

Pretty Women with Todd (Brendan Cleary) and the Judge (Kevin Stanley)

Hats a-plenty

Big birthday for my sister. Chocolate biscuit and red velvet cake

Beth trying on shoes

Pie beginnings (Sweeney Todd)

Facebook Free February

I can't believe it is February already. Where did January go?? I'm trying to think of all the things we got up to during the month, but I'm feeling a bit boring! What did we do?

After a quick look through my phone photos, I've a better idea of where the month went!

We attended our first Panto, Jack and the Beanstalk. 

I went to She Stoops to Conquer in the Abbey, Dublin

As always, the set was amazing

The show was hilarious. Obviously, I didn't take any photos during the performance

We did a bit of baking. Frozen cupcakes, of course...

Bubbles!

Santa brought baby Sophie. Her fancy clothes were knitted by a family friend.

Beth started swimming lessons. The first one did not go well!!

We had lunch out one day after school for a treat

My little fighter. Doing great at kickboxing.

Beth is big into board games. I got her Monopoly Junior for Christmas. She would play it non-stop if I let her.

We had snow last week. We don't get much here on the east coast, but Beth enjoyed it anyway.

So, there's a few snapshots of our month. This month has started off a bit manic with me. I'm in charge of props for SONG's production of Sweeney Todd next week. There are A LOT of props for this musical. I have trawled the shops looking for 18th century items. I still don't have everything. There are painted handcuffs drying on my table at the moment and the sewing machine has been dragged out! I'll be taking loads of photos when we're up and running. I'm very excited, but also incredibly stressed!

Suppose I should explain my post title. I've been a little overwhelmed lately, with financial worries, writer's insecurities, parental inadequacies etc. I decided I needed to simplify my life. I'm not promoting a book at the moment, so I feel I can just take myself off Facebook for a month. On Saturday, I deactivated my Facebook account. I've been on it since 2007. Eight years! The first evening was fine. Yesterday, I kept picking up my phone to check out what's happening in the world and remembered, oh yeah, I can't... I thought I would feel like I was missing out on something. You know, like the feeling you got when younger and you weren't out on a Saturday night? Wondering what was going on, not wanting to miss all the gossip. BUT, I feel strangely lighter. My mind is more focussed. It was becoming an addiction. I beat cigarettes almost three years ago. I still miss them everyday, but I know I'll never go back. I don't want to be addicted to anything. It's not a good way to live your life. 

Now, I'm not saying I won't go back, but I am taking this month off. I'm not off the grid completely though. I'm still on Twitter and Instagram, please feel free to follow me. 

However, a problem might be that I haven't really told anyone what I've done. Some people may think I have deleted them as a friend. Hopefully, they'll read this and realise it's nothing personal ;-) or send me a text, the old fashioned way!

Here's to a Facebook Free February! 

105 and counting

Today's post is number 105! I started this blog in April 2010, almost five years ago. I didn't post much at first. Not until I began to take my writing career seriously at the end of 2011. I don't post as often as I should, but I'm still here! Sometimes, I write about the everyday boring stuff. Other days, I write about things that go through my insecure writer's brain. It can be scary to put my insecurities out there, for all and sundry to read, should they want to. My fear often holds me back, so I stick to the general sides of my life. 

Do you ever feel, if you were to show people what goes on in your head they might run for the hills, screaming?

At night, I think too much. Conversations, ideas, wishful thinking all clamour for attention. I imagine full lives played out from my pillow at midnight. If only I had an off switch...

Our Christmas Tree and new Christmas train

Striking a pensive pose

Christmas Morning

With Santa on Christmas day

Girl meets world

New Year, New Me?

Belated Happy New Year to all my readers! I know, I've been terrible. No posts since last October. I knew I had been bad, but not that bad! 

Well, it's ok, I'm back now ;-)

To start off, I did not complete NaNoWriMo. Bad me! I got about 10k words into a new story and realised I hated my new MC. Actually, hate is probably too strong a word. I really disliked her anyway. She bugged me, she was mean and selfish. I know that's not really an excuse for not completing the challenge, but it did make everything more difficult. In the end, I gave up. Ah well, there's always NaNo 2015!

Christmas went off without a hitch. Santa came down the chimney, as expected, and brought Beth a baby doll who wees and poos (and has nappies that cost a fortune!). We went to a hotel for Christmas dinner (never again, price was extortionate for what you get). I got a few nice things and generally had a lovely relaxing holiday.

And now we're back. Early mornings. Lunch boxes. Uniforms. Blogs. Manuscripts. Routine. Reality. 

Usually, every January, I put my New Year's Resolutions on this blog, but not this year. I don't think I need to 'change' anything, as such. I don't smoke, rarely drink (apart from a slight indulgence over the holidays). I have vices, of course, but nothing that warrants a big overhaul of my life. Instead, I plan to do more of what I have been doing.

In 2015, I plan to write more, read more, exercise more, save more and try to camp out more! 

I also plan to do less of some things. Worry less, stress less, eat less (need to lose about a stone in weight). 

By the end of the year, I would hope to have a first draft of a new book and be querying agents/publishers with my third book.

So, in brief, I'd like to do more of what I should and less of what I shouldn't. Easy peasy ;-)

Have a lovely Monday. I'm off to write!

What are you waiting for?

When I was pregnant, I felt like I was in limbo. I gave up my job in Belfast to move home, be closer to family. I applied for jobs back home, but once the bump began to show, there was no point. No one was going to hire a pregnant woman. Of course, they'd never tell you that was the reason, but what employer would take on someone who was only going to leave in a few months anyway.

So, I spent my time reading and listening to music and feeling trapped. Some songs I listened to on a loop. One of these was Colin Hay's Waiting for my real life to begin. Have a listen... don't worry, I'll wait for you.

When I listen to this song now, I find it hard to imagine how sad I was back then, but I was terribly sad. I'd listen and just cry. Up to that point in my life, I'd never been unemployed. In fact, most of the time I had two jobs, or a college course and a job. It was very hard to be idle. It was unbelievably difficult to imagine how my life was going to change when the baby was born. But, for those months, I was just waiting.

After Beth was born, it still felt like that for a long time. I was waiting for my real life to begin, waiting for something, anything to happen. Then, it hit me. Nothing was going to change unless I did it myself. No one was going to hand me my dreams on a silver platter, some Tuesday afternoon in October. It's about three years now since I quit my day job and dove head first into writing for a living. I don't regret that decision for one minute. 

The last three years were not easy. Rejection and doubt come hand in hand with being a writer. I couldn't imagine being anything else though. 

I wish I could reassure that pregnant girl, sitting on the floor crying, that everything would be fine. That all she has to do is get up and start doing things for herself. No one else is going to make you happy or fulfill your dreams. That's your job and it's never too late or too early to start living the life you always wanted.

September Shenadigans

Yikes, we're a week into October and I'm only doing my September catch up today! It was a manic month with birthdays, christenings, weddings, parties etc. Of course, one event stood out among all others. On the 18th September, my little girl turned five. On her actual birthday, we went for lunch at a restaurant, Beth picked and then on to the cinema to see Box Trolls. Great movie, like Tim Burton meets Charles Dickens. I think I enjoyed more than Beth and her Dad. Then, on the Saturday, we had a Barbie themed party for a little girl dressed as Elsa from Frozen... even though she's no longer a fan of Disney Princesses.

Our little Box Troll

I had this idea to set up a Barbie dress up area at the party. Beth wanted to call it "The Groove". Barbie clothes can be expensive, so I made these out of bargain fabrics I bought in Penney's. "The Groove" was our old three man tent and, within minutes of the party starting, the boys had commandeered it as their den. So much for that idea!

  

My next idea started off like this...

     

The next stage...

Some wrapping later

Almost there 

The finished product with beautiful Elsa. The idea was a photo booth, allowing the kids to be Barbie in the box. Pinterest is great for party ideas!

Beth's bouncy castle. She didn't want anything princess-y at her Barbie party, but allowed this. Bouncy castles are possibly her most favourite things in the world.

Beth had her hair styled for the event ;) It was part of a birthday treat from her Great Aunt. Apparently, she conversed well with the hairdresser, giving her all the details of a fantastic party being thrown in her honour.

They didn't sit for the whole party, but no girl's party these days would be complete without a bit of Frozen

The goodies I prepared (more came later). The cake pops went down a treat!

She had an absolutely brilliant time and was spoiled by the guests. We also had a pinata, beaten to a pulp by twenty-one children aged 3-10. What a day!

Photo of my Mum and I at a wedding two weeks ago. Wonderful day. A humanist ceremony followed by  a gorgeous meal at the Ballymascanlon Hotel

 I need a new laptop! Uploading photos for this blog takes forever on this old thing.

My third book is coming along nicely. I have a plan right up to the climax and I'm somewhat on schedule to finish the first draft by the end of the month. Very excited to start NaNoWriMo and see what new characters I'll be meeting :-)

Hope your Tuesday is as sunny as mine, wherever you are!

Deadlines

What is it about deadlines that make me want to clean my house?? Devil in the Clouds is due to go to my editor on Friday. I'm doing a final read through before then and have found loads I want to change and correct. I'll be very busy for a few days.

After DITC is gone, I plan to dust off Allie's Return and finish the first draft! I'd like to have that completed before 1st November. I want November free for NaNoWriMo. I haven't a project in mind, but I'm sure I'll scare up something before then. Hopefully!!

Feeling a bit like Calvin today!

Has anyone a plan for NaNoWriMo yet?

Back to Normal

It's been over a month since my last blog post! I'm terrible, but I decided to take a break from everything and spend August having a good summer with Beth. She went into Junior Infants last week (28th Aug). So, there it is. My daughter is now (officially) part of the system. Last year, she started in pre-school within the same infant school and loved it. She was wearing a tracksuit, the jumper had the school crest. This year, she is a pinafore, shirt and tie. I love seeing her in her uniform. She looks so grown up!

Here are a few photos from our August. Next week, I'll get back to my usual posts. I'd like to do something about my dreadfully slow laptop too! Like a snail at the moment and it takes ages to transfer photos from my phone to the laptop to use on the blog. Grrr...

Beth messing with my phone's camera

Our new tent. A trial run in my mum's back garden

Mum's back garden

Chocolate biscuit cake mmmm

Still really enjoying her Martial Arts classes

I took her on some back paths in Dundalk. The ones  I used to take to visit my Granny

We spent a few nights in Dublin. This is in the Disney Store on Grafton Street

More camera antics

Beth and my mum's dog, Jenny

Posing in Penney's

The height of fashion!

She loves to dance and perform

We camped in a place called Kilbroney, Rostrevor, NI

Playground, Kilbroney

Playground, Kilbroney

Heaven on Earth, Kilbroney

Friends at Kilbroney

Blackberry picking, Kilbroney

Looking like a farmer, Kilbroney

Enjoying the view, Kilbroney

The woods, Kilbroney

Going home, Kilbroney

Beth and her 3rd cousin Lugh, home from Oz for a few weeks

Throwback to a friend's wedding last year. This beautiful photo was taken by Enda Gartan Photography

I'm on day 5 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I ache all over!

Beth's first sparring match

Funny faces

Trad session with the O'Connor's (Mum's cousins)

First day of Junior Infants on the left, first day of pre-school on the right

She doesn't like heights!

In her new classroom

She just loves corn on the cob

Big hair!

More from our exploring day

Beth and Tedaline, the bear who shared her cot in the hospital when she was born

It was a full August!