Valentine's Day Blues?? Not here ;-)

I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day for five years now. It might actually be longer but my life is a bit of a blur before Beth came along. I can’t remember when exactly I dated some people. There’s only one Valentine’s that really stands out in my mind and that was seven years ago!! It involved roses, chocolates, concert tickets and a gorgeous meal, amongst other things... :-)

This holiday has a tendency to make some single people bitter. In the past, years and years ago BB (Before Beth), I suppose it did annoy me when I was single on this day but I don’t feel like that anymore. It might be because I’m older now or maybe it’s the blonde beauty who lives with me!

If I didn’t have Beth I might feel differently. She treats Valentine’s like Christmas. She has been counting down the ‘big sleeps’ all week and was so excited when I whispered “Happy Valentine’s Day” as she was waking up this morning.

When it comes to being single though, I’m quite happy. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve been on dates. I’ve tried, and got bored of, online dating. It was so hard to find an actual connection with someone through the internet. Although, after watching ‘her’ with Joaquin Phoenix I may be tempted to try again ;-)

I’m just not very good at sharing my life with someone. I only want a part timer!! Last guy I had a few dates with seemed to suit me but he turned out to be even more afraid of relationships than me! And that’s some feat!!

But, sometimes the little voice inside my head pipes up. I call her ‘The Shoulds’. In a nagging tone she asks me “Shouldn’t you have a partner by now?”, “Shouldn’t you, at 32, be settled, be married or even be planning a wedding?” All of my friends, bar one, are either married, planning a wedding or pregnant. Yet, here I am, the black sheep, single and definitely no buns in my oven and no plans for it either. Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want to relinquish sole custody of the remote control or have everyone stare at me in a white dress while I concentrate on not tripping over my own feet? *shudder*

I do like going on dates though. The anticipation, the butterflies, even the dread. Sitting close but not touching, electricity fizzing in the open space, then the inevitable grazing of cloth followed by thrilling contact sending shivers all over your body. If you’re lucky, a kiss, gentle at first, as the passion builds, swirling, tasting, passionate. Yes, I like dates!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day isn't easy for the single people out there but to be completely honest I never liked the holiday when in a relationship either. It makes me so angry when I see the extortionist prices in flower shops. Red roses seem to triple in price around this holiday. Thankfully, with the recession, big brand stores are doing some really good deals!

I agree it is nice to have a day where you spoil your partner and be spoiled in return. However, in a good relationship, these kind of days should come more often than once a year. At least then you can avoid the crazy prices.

This year I am single again but I'm not too bothered. Yes, there are times when I would like to have someone around but this is not one of those times (too expensive!). At the moment I am quite content to be a mother first and a writer second. I am not looking for a relationship and honestly do not think I need one right now. That may sound weird to settled couples out there but looking for a man to share my life is not a priority.

Although, after saying that, I am not closing myself off to the possibility of finding love. I believe whatever is meant for us will not pass us by. If I am to go out today and run into some tall, dark and handsome man I will not be saying "Thanks, but no thanks" should he ask me out for coffee. I believe in God's grand design. All I have to do is look at Beth to know that. I know I am truly blessed with her so whether I meet the man of my dreams today or 20 years from now so be it.

And what would Valentine's Day be without a bit of poetry?

How Do I Love Thee? By Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.