I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day for five years now. It might actually be longer but my life is a bit of a blur before Beth came along. I can’t remember when exactly I dated some people. There’s only one Valentine’s that really stands out in my mind and that was seven years ago!! It involved roses, chocolates, concert tickets and a gorgeous meal, amongst other things... :-)
This holiday has a tendency to make some single people bitter. In the past, years and years ago BB (Before Beth), I suppose it did annoy me when I was single on this day but I don’t feel like that anymore. It might be because I’m older now or maybe it’s the blonde beauty who lives with me!
If I didn’t have Beth I might feel differently. She treats Valentine’s like Christmas. She has been counting down the ‘big sleeps’ all week and was so excited when I whispered “Happy Valentine’s Day” as she was waking up this morning.
When it comes to being single though, I’m quite happy. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve been on dates. I’ve tried, and got bored of, online dating. It was so hard to find an actual connection with someone through the internet. Although, after watching ‘her’ with Joaquin Phoenix I may be tempted to try again ;-)
I’m just not very good at sharing my life with someone. I only want a part timer!! Last guy I had a few dates with seemed to suit me but he turned out to be even more afraid of relationships than me! And that’s some feat!!
But, sometimes the little voice inside my head pipes up. I call her ‘The Shoulds’. In a nagging tone she asks me “Shouldn’t you have a partner by now?”, “Shouldn’t you, at 32, be settled, be married or even be planning a wedding?” All of my friends, bar one, are either married, planning a wedding or pregnant. Yet, here I am, the black sheep, single and definitely no buns in my oven and no plans for it either. Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want to relinquish sole custody of the remote control or have everyone stare at me in a white dress while I concentrate on not tripping over my own feet? *shudder*
I do like going on dates though. The anticipation, the butterflies, even the dread. Sitting close but not touching, electricity fizzing in the open space, then the inevitable grazing of cloth followed by thrilling contact sending shivers all over your body. If you’re lucky, a kiss, gentle at first, as the passion builds, swirling, tasting, passionate. Yes, I like dates!