Monday, July 28, 2014

The Annual Birthday Introspection

Last week, I was asked do I ever feel like I haven't achieved all that I should have for my age? Now, of course, that's not the question word for word, but it is the general jist of the question posed, out of the blue, on a sunny Friday evening. The person asking, aiming the question first at themselves, was wondering if I ever felt the same. The question threw me. It's a BIG question. I'm pretty sure everyone asks themselves this at some stage in life, others might ask it everyday. I know I go months asking myself this question. Sometimes, it feels so scary to think about, I try not to think about it at all. 

At the beginning of the year, I had an "What am I doing with my life?" blog post. In real life, this happens AT LEAST once a week. When it happens, I try to focus on all my achievements in my life, rather than the failures*. I have a Masters degree, a diploma from the OU, written two books and nearly finished a third. Academically, I believe I've achieved enough. Personally, I have a beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter whom I love with all my heart. She is my muse and (stealing a line from a movie here) she makes me want to be a better person. I haven't travelled extensively, however I'm pleased with the amount of Europe I have seen. The furthest I have been is to Bialystok, Poland. My CV is as diverse as they come. From factory worker to cabin crew, bartender to teacher, I've covered a lot. So, what's missing?

Book deal, own home and husband, I suppose! The only one that causes me to miss any sleep is the book deal. Being a writer is something I've wanted to do since I was seven. For a long time, I didn't allow myself to think or even dream about it. I thought being a writer was impossible, but I want to follow my dream now, for as long as possible. I want to be able to tell Beth that she can be whatever she wants to be and I'm proof. If you work at it, dreams can come true.

I'm turning 33 this week and although I don't have everything I would like in my life, I am happy with what I have. I have my health, wonderful family, great friends and a dream. 

At the wedding last week. Hope the other ladies don't mind being on my blog ;-)

(*I used the word failure, but, in truth, I don't believe in failure. Any time I haven't achieved something I see it as a learning curve. I almost failed my Leaving Cert when I was 17. I was a cocky little madam. I thought I could coast by on the bare minimum of study. I passed the exams by the skin of my teeth, all bar one. It was a huge slap in the face. It humbled me. It didn't change me there and then, but it was the beginning.)

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